THE END. (never to be cont’d)

THE END. (never to be cont’d).

THE END. (never to be cont’d)

Well, I am very sorry to say, my loves, that I must end this blog now. She was never worthy of blogging about to begin with. I am so sorry to say we all wasted our time on her. Not only is she not worthy of my time, effort, energy, love & heart, she is most definitely NOT worthy of being inside my head. I will be starting a new blog about my new life, & hope you all will still follow, excluding that bitch of course. If you would like to follow my new blog, please contact me via this blog,  text, or email (kathey98@aol.com) & I will personally send you the new link. Trust me, my new life is better than this old ass shit. Sorry for any inconvenience folks. Hope to see ya on the flip side. 😉 Love n stuff, Cathey. Thank God this bullshit’s over!

Some History. Or is it?

I’m going to TRY to fill you in as much as possible, the short version.

I figure I will begin with John. My 1st serious boyfriend. I will not go into much detail until we get to the present, but just a brief history. So, John, 1st boyfriend. Lost my virginity to him, after a YEAR of “dating”. I was 15, he 17. Our relationship began when I was around 13/14. He was my best friend. I have a habit of being BEST friends when I’m in a relationship. This is probably where that idea began. It’s also the reason that break-ups are so absolutely devastating for me. We were together about 4-5 years before we broke up for good. He was also the 1st person to ask me to marry him and gave me my 1st engagement ring. Yes, I said 1st. Since then I’ve been proposed to or engaged 3 or 4 times & married & divorced once. (Ugh. I can already see that this blog is going to bring more questions than answers!) Back to John. Once we broke up for good, we remained friends. REAL friends. And still, 19 years later, I consider him one of my best friends in the world. We don’t see each other too much anymore, but that is because his wife absolutely hates me. See she started dating him, and was his 1st girlfriend after me. Since then, even without having met me, she was & still is jealous of how John & I ‘get’ each other and will probably remain close, lifelong friends.

Next, was Scott. This was the most important and valuable relationship of my life. Most people are lucky to have EVER found this. Not only did I find it, I have the MOST important souvenir. Our son. Scott was/is my soul mate. Never have I found anyone who loves and respects me as much as he did. Or anyone as worthy as him of MY love and respect. We were quite young, but nonetheless, he was my everything. He died at the age of 22. Part of me did too. I have no doubt that if he were still  here, our relationship, whatever it morphed into, would be EPIC.

I had shorter relationships during the in-between times, but why go thru that “list”? All of them ended. None too bad. And I am still friends with EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. I wouldn’t have it any other way & hope that in some way they cherish me similarly.

Cut to Joe. Hands down the worst relationship ever. I grew up across the street from him & his family & at some point during those years developed a huge crush on him. At one point, we dated during a “break” between me & Scott, but it wasn’t anything too serious. When Scott died, many things happened, but one in-particular was a relationship between Joe & I. I was clinging to anything I could because I didn’t want another person to “leave” me. Tho, I didn’t realize this until many years later. We got engaged, pregnant & married right away. See? Clinging. We were divorced by 7 years, after being separated more than we were together. We are NOT friends. In fact, we can barely keep it civil. Still. After about 6/7 years. Joe is very bitter and CONSTANTLY trying to punish me. For leaving him. I agree that I didn’t leave in the proper way, but is any of this really gonna change that? The truth is, we shoulda never been married. That is punishment enough. For BOTH of us AND our daughter.

So, while Joe & I were married, I met Bill & began an emotional affair with him. Once I saw how happy I COULD & SHOULD be, I left Joe immediately. Not to BE with Bill, but because that meant that there was more out there for me, I felt. What ended up happening was me being with Bill. For about 4-5 years. When I say *I* was with Bill, that’s true, but Bill was not with *ME*. As much as this bothers me to admit, I was just a jump-off for him. The “side piece”. We both claimed each other as soul-mates, & even tho I thought that, I’ve since realized what it really was for him. It took a long time. Not only for me to be able to admit it to myself & stop believing what I wanted to believe & what he said, but to be able to be just his FRIEND. It helps that in the time we’ve been apart, he’s changed A LOT. I suppose I have too. Just not as MUCH as him. Tho, his change is probably for the better, in HIS life. That brings us to the last almost 5 years & today…